BITE ME: A LOVE STORY by Christopher Moore [Review]

When you pick up a Christopher Moore book, you are pretty much guaranteed to laugh your butt off, and Bite Me: A Love Story is no exception. Following Bloodsucking Fiends and You Suck, it picks up the tale of vampire Jody, her minion turned vampire Tommy, and his minion Abby. But don’t worry if you haven’t read the previous two books—Abby, aka Emergency Backup Mistress of the Greater Bay Area, spends the first chapter bringing everyone up to speed (and when she says, “Pay attention, bitches, there will be a test,” she means it). So basically, Jody and Tommy are encased in bronze, Abby has moved into their former loft with her “manga-haired love monkey” Steve, and San Francisco is being terrorized by a vampire cat named Chet. To rid the city of the bloodsucking kitty, Abby and Steve are going to need help from Jody and Tommy, the Emperor along with his “men” Lazarus and Bummer, as well as the stoner crew from the Safeway night shift, the Animals.

If you like vampires, have a twisted sense of humor, and don’t mind some F-bombs, Bite Me is for you. Much of the story is told through Abby’s journal entries, with hilarious results. She’s a foul-mouthed Goth/Valley girl hopped up on caffeine and sugar that has a major obsession with what she calls the “Nosferatu.” Despite the fact that her two favorite words seem to be “‘kayso” and “whatnot”, she made me laugh out loud whenever the book switched to her point of view.

Besides Abby, my favorite characters like the Animals and the Emperor return in Bite Me. A few new characters are introduced too, but the important thing is that the story that started in Bloodsucking Fiends is wrapped up nicely. I think fans of the trilogy will be pleased. And like I said earlier, Moore spends some time bringing everyone up to speed, so this would be a great book for new readers too.

Here are a few hilarious quotes from Bite Me:

“There’s nefarious shit afoot, Foo,” said Abby. “Bring portable sun and fry these nosferatu kitties before they nom everyone in the ‘hood.”

Abby: “‘Kayso, it turns out that driving an actual car is way harder than it looks in Grand Theft Auto: Zombie Hooker Smackdown.”

Abby: “And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.”

Abby: “It just goes to show you, like Lord Byron says in the poem: “Given enough weed and explosives, even a creature of most sophisticated and ancient dark power can be undone by a few stoners.

I’m paraphrasing. It may have been Shelley.”

Abby: “I was clearly born in the wrong time. I should have been born in Wuthering Heights times. Although if I was Cathy, I would have hunted down that Heathcliff guy and beat him with a riding crop like a sado-hooker with his Black Card on file. Just sayin’.”

Rating: 5 out of 5 Stars | Publisher: Harper Paperbacks | Pages: 352 | Source: Publisher | Buy on Amazon

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